Things to Avoid in Relationships
Relationships, just like any other thing, when it is abused, will not last. There are things that should not be done in a relationship that you desire to flourish or last. It is very important to take early care in your relationship as ignorance will not stop the regret if the relationship should fail because of wrong attitudes in relationships. It is possible to take a relationship with levity when you think you now have the other person, you may begin to do consciously or unconsciously things that may jeopardise that good and great relationship. You never know the value of what you have until you lose it, but it is better to call yourself back and appreciate the relationship before it’s too late. You may have that great relationship now with that significant person in your life, and you don’t want to lose it, probably you want to know better ways to handle the relationship and what to avoid doing. There are pitfalls to avoid in relationships, the following points will let you in on some significant mistakes to avoid in your relationship.
Assuming that it’s all fun
Do not go into a relationship with the mind that it’s all going to be fun and like a fairy tale of tale, living happily ever after. The truth is that while there is a bunch of fun in a good relationship between two partners, relationship also takes a lot of work. There will be emotional frictions, character differences, discoveries you did not know before, different things could come up in a relationship, and you will have to be strong to keep the relationship going at such times. So, don’t assume that a relationship is all going to be smiles and laughter, prepare your mind to deal with stuffs also, things you may not even be imagining right now. This mind-set will position you in such a way that you will not be caught unawares when things start happening in the relationship but expecting that everything is going to be smooth and then meeting with challenges will make you feel disappointed unnecessarily.
Ignoring core differences
You should not allow yourself to be so lost in love that you cannot see what irreconcilable differences that are exist between your partner and yourself. If you don’t have such, fine, but if you do, you need to pay attention to those major differences in core values, probably in religion, beliefs and the likes. Any difference that seem irreconcilable yet causing friction is a serious risk. It’s either you find a way of working on those differences if possible or you tell yourself the hard truth that you have to let the relationship go.
Always trying to be in charge
There are different types of personalities, there are people who love to call the shots, there are those who are comfortable being led, but in a relationship, the opinion of both parties matter. It’s a relationship because more than one person is involved, so if it’s just one person making all the decisions, and enforcing his/her opinion all the time, what’s the point to the relationship? Know that you are not always right, you are likely to make mistakes sometimes, so learn to listen to the other party. If it’s the other person that has the domineering and controlling attitude, you must find an effective way of letting him/her know how wrong that attitude is and why they should stop it.
Presuming that you can change the other person
You should know that you cannot change another person, so taking the risk of agreeing to be in a relationship with someone must be well thought out. If they have a character problem or lifestyle that you feel is not compatible with yours or that you can’t cope with, it is better to let them know fast before it becomes late. If the person is not practically changing or not seeing the reason why he/she must change, there is little or nothing that you can do to change him/her. Tell yourself the truth and do the needful.
Importing emotional baggage
If you have been in relationships before and different things have happened, maybe with hurts and wounds on your heart and you are in a new and different relationship now, don’t bring all the loads of emotional hurt and try to pour them all on your partner. Don’t give a bad sign to the other party. You can heal gradually without becoming an emotional liability to the other person.
Mentioning mistakes over and over
When you are always repeating past mistakes and offences of the other person, it simply means you have not totally forgiven and forgotten their mistakes. Don’t be the kind of person that can keep records of offences so well that you keep reminding the other person of what they did wrong and how they did this and that at such and such time. Forgive offences easily and let bygone be bygone.
Everyone loves to be appreciated. You should be deliberate and try to make it normal with yourself to appreciate your partner even in the little things. Little show of gratitude and appreciation of who the person is, what he/she did and how the person is important to you is a good way to remind the person how much you value him/her.
Taking the other person for granted
Don’t get so used to the relationship and to the other person that you begin to take certain things for granted in the relationship. You should try to deliberately bear a consciousness of the importance of the other person to you and know that you should not in any way begin to abuse the relationship. Don’t stop appreciating or complimenting him/her, don’t stop being your best in taking care of yourself to be presentable and all the likes. Keep the live and beauty of the relationship going.
When it gets to some point in your relationship, there are secrets about yourself, your past and the likes which you should no longer keep to yourself. You should open this secrets up to the other person, you don’t want him/her to get to know elsewhere or at a bad time, so find the right time to share important secrets with your partner.
Leaking out secrets
When you cannot keep important secrets that should be between your partner and you to yourself, then it could cause friction in the relationship. If everything that you discuss or that happens you always transmit to other people, then your partner might become careful about telling you important things and there could be quarrel as well. You should be as trustworthy and reliable as possible. Understand when an information is classified and don’t go about telling people, even your friends.
Being too suspicious
This is a very bad thing for you and your partner in a relationship. If you are always suspecting that your partner is cheating or doing something behind your back, if you are always questioning his/her motive, then it means you have a trust problem and your partner may perceive that you don’t trust him/her. While it is important for you to speak out when necessary, suspecting too much is unhealthy for your relationship.
Acting too dependent
When you present yourself as being too needy and dependent on your partner in a relationship, then you might bore them out. If you don’t give the necessary space the other person needs to still have a balanced social life, it’s not healthy for your relationship.
Acting too possessive of the other person can be annoying and can give a red flag, avoid being overtly possessive.